How was Paragon PsychConnect born?
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Strength in Asking: Embracing Help, Fostering Connection
21/01/2024
Breathing the Same Air: The Importance of Shared Values in Relationships
Many, many years ago (when I was very young…) I went out a few times with this guy. I thought he was great and we had lots of fun but it didn’t last. Why may you ask?
He told me “we don’t breathe the same air. He was right and I’m glad I listened!
What does that actually mean? And is it important?
Tony, my partner of 18+ years, breathes the same air as me.
On the surface we are very different – he is an introvert and I’m an extrovert. He is quiet and I am loud. He is organised and I’m an agent of chaos (yes, he pays all the bills). I will eat anything, and he is more careful what he eats. He loves chocolate and I don’t care if chocolate disappears from the planet (I can hear all the chocoholics screaming at me Noooooo). And most importantly I’m a morning person (I can’t talk to him before at least 9am) and he is a night owl.
How does this work you may ask? Well, lets come back to “we breathe the same air.”
Basically, our values align and this is important. Values (or the air we breathe) matter.
I like Martin Seligman’s 24 Values in Action (VIA) – he has divided them into 6 categories.
- Wisdom: creativity, curiosity, judgment, love of learning, perspective.
- Courage: bravery, perseverance, honesty, zest.
- Humanity: love, kindness, social intelligence.
- Justice: teamwork, fairness, leadership.
- Temperance: forgiveness, humility, prudence, self-regulation.
- Transcendence: appreciation of beauty and excellence, gratitude, hope, humour, spirituality.
You can do the VIA Survey here https://www.viacharacter.org/character-strengths. I do it very few years and gratitude, creativity, and curiosity always feature high for me.
Values matter in any relationship. Love relationships, friendships and work.
Have you kept a friendship since you were 7 years old, but in the last few years, your stomach drops when you see their name when the phone rings? Maybe your Values (Air) has changed – you may have taken different paths in life.
Have you asked yourself “Do my personal values and my employer’s values match?” If you are unhappy at work, they may not.
In any relationship, keep asking yourself “do we breathe the same air?” and make sure you keep asking this as we change.
