Strength in Asking: Embracing Help, Fostering Connection

In the bustling chaos of a farm BBQ, my father's simple yet profound advice cut through: 'Ask for help.' Little did I know, this mantra would become a guiding force, revealing the strength in vulnerability and the beauty of shared endeavours.

23 years ago, I was in the throes of coordinating a BBQ for approx. 70 people on our farm at Kapunda.  There were lambs on the spit, a BBQ, and food everywhere. I love food!

I was running around like a mad person making sure everything was just right. That everyone had enough to eat and drink and were having a good time.

My father was sitting having a coffee under one of the trees watching me. He called me over for a chat.  I remember rushing over and telling him I didn’t have time to chat right now – I was busy.

He wouldn’t take no for an answer. “Sit down” he said, “I have something important to discuss with you.”  So I sat.

“Ask for help” he said. 

“But I don’t need help” I replied.

“I didn’t ask if you needed help. I said, “ask for help’” he responded.

“But I’m fine, I don’t need help” I persisted.

“Ask for help even when you don’t need it” he responded.

This didn’t make sense to me – it wasn’t logical. My father was the wise person I went to discuss any problems I was having. So, I listened.

“You don’t ask for help but you help people” he continued.  “People don’t like to be indebted to you or to anyone. They need a way of paying it back. So ask for help even when you don’t need it. This gives them an opportunity to feel useful. Feeling useful is the thing that binds us together as people. Ask for help.”

 He pointed out that helping others made me feel good.  Why would I not let someone else have that feeling.

 So, I started that day.

I had someone looking after the lambs on the spit, the drinks, the BBQ, the salads, the cakes, the kids and showing them around the farm. I put together a team of helpers and then congratulated them at the end of the day for a great Team effort in pulling this BBQ together! I felt more fulfilled that if I had done it on my own.

I now go out of my way to ask for help.  Asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.

The philosophy of asking for help from others is rooted in the recognition of interdependence, humility, and the understanding that seeking help is a strength rather than a weakness.

Some key principles that symbolise the philosophy of asking for help:

1. Interdependence: We are all interconnected and asking for help strengthens the bonds within communities, families, and relationships.

2. Mutual Support: Recognizing that everyone faces challenges and that providing and receiving help creates a culture of mutual support. By seeking help when needed, individuals contribute to the well-being of the group. By reaching out to others, you build trust and allow them to know they can also ask for help, thus creating a positive environment where people feel comfortable asking for help when they need it.

3. Shared Wisdom: Understand that seeking help allows you to tap into the collective wisdom and experiences of others. You don’t know everything!

4. Respect for Diverse Skills: Accepting that everyone has different skills and strengths. Seeking help acknowledges the range of talents and abilities within a community and encourages cooperation for better problem-solving.

5. Growing Empathy: Asking for help grows empathy, as it provides an opportunity for individuals to understand and connect with the struggles and needs of others. It builds a culture of compassion and understanding.

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness but is a sign of wisdom, strength, and a shared promise to collective well-being. After all, humans are pack animals – we don’t do well on our own!

I still struggle to ask for help at times, but I’m improving.

My father passed away 21 years ago, but his voice is in my head daily. “Just ask for help” I hear at least once a week….