What Else Could This Mean? The Psychology of Assumptions, Anxiety and Cognitive Flexibility

One of the most powerful questions we can ask ourselves is: "What else could this mean?" This simple question lies at the heart of cognitive flexibility, a psychological skill that helps us challenge assumptions, reduce anxiety, and respond more effectively to life's uncertainties. Whether we're interpreting a text message, navigating conflict in a relationship, or worrying about a future event, our brains often jump to conclusions. Learning to pause and consider alternative explanations can dramatically improve emotional wellbeing and decision-making.

The Simple Question That Can Change the Way We Think.

"Most misunderstandings in the world could be avoided if people would simply take the time to ask, 'What else could this mean?'"  Shannon L. Alder.

I came across this quote recently and immediately thought, "That might be one of the most powerful questions we can ask ourselves."

As psychologists, we spend a lot of time helping people understand their emotions, behaviours, and relationships. Yet many of the difficulties people experience can often be traced back to something surprisingly simple: the meaning we attach to events.

Not the event itself.  The meaning!

A friend doesn't return a text message. A colleague walks past without saying hello. A partner seems quieter than usual. A family member declines an invitation.

Within seconds, our minds can begin creating explanations.

• "They're angry with me."
• "I've done something wrong."
• "They don't care."
• "They are rejecting me."

The remarkable thing is that we often accept these explanations as facts without ever stopping to ask whether there might be another possibility. 

Our Minds Are Built to Fill in the Gaps

Human beings are natural meaning-makers. We are constantly interpreting the world around us and trying to make sense of what is happening. This ability serves us well much of the time. It helps us solve problems, predict outcomes, and navigate complex social situations.

The problem is that our brains do not particularly enjoy uncertainty.

When information is incomplete, our minds often rush to fill the gaps. Unfortunately, the explanations we generate are not always accurate.

They are often influenced by our emotional state, past experiences, fears, and assumptions.

• If we are feeling anxious, we may assume danger.
• If we are feeling depressed, we may assume hopelessness.
• If we have experienced rejection in the past, we may assume rejection again.

Before we know it, we are responding not to what has actually happened, but to the story our mind has created about what has happened.

Feelings Are Powerful, But They Are Not Always Facts

One of the biggest misconceptions about emotions is that they always arise from conscious thoughts.

In reality, many emotional reactions occur automatically and outside our awareness. We may experience anxiety, shame, anger, fear, or sadness without being fully conscious of the beliefs driving those emotions.

People often tell me:

• "I don't know why I'm upset."
• "I just have a bad feeling."
• "Something doesn't feel right."

When we explore these feelings more deeply, we frequently discover hidden assumptions operating beneath the surface.

Sometimes the underlying belief is:

• "I'm not good enough."
• "People will leave me."
• "I'm not safe."
• "Something bad is about to happen."

These assumptions may have developed years earlier and become so familiar that they feel like reality.

One of the most useful questions we can ask in therapy is: "If that feeling could speak, what would it be saying?"

Often, the answer provides valuable insight into the beliefs shaping a person's reactions.

The Trap of Mind Reading

One of the most common thinking traps psychologists encounter is known as mind reading.

Mind reading occurs when we assume we know what another person is thinking, despite having little or no evidence.  Most of us have done it.

• A friend cancels plans.
• A colleague appears distracted.
• A partner seems quiet.

Our mind immediately generates an explanation and, more often than not, it tends to be negative.

Yet there are usually countless other possibilities.

• Perhaps the person is tired.
• Perhaps they are stressed.
• Perhaps they are dealing with a family issue.
• Perhaps they simply had a busy day.

The reality is that we often know far less than we think we do.