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Why Your Values Matter: A Personal Reflection on Filotimo
Personal values and Filotimo create a powerful lens through which we can view and navigate our lives. This Greek concept fosters a sense of duty, respect, and purpose, helping individuals find meaning in their relationships, actions, and contributions to society.
As a psychologist, who was born in Greece and moved to Australia as a toddler, I've had a unique perspective on the importance of values in our lives. Much of what I understand about living a value-driven life comes from my father, Sotirios (Sam), and my mum Fofy (Fotini), who dedicated their life to the Greek concept of Filotimo.
My father was my hero and all those philosophical chats that stretched for decades until he passed away 22 years ago have shaped me not only as a person, but also form the basis of my psychology. He instilled in me a love of philosophy, sociology and politics. A way to be a critical thinker using the Socratic method, not judging people until you have walked in their shoes but most importantly “being of service to your fellow man” – not waiting to be asked for help, but searching to help. He lived this life.
My mother also had a major impact on me and the way I use Filotimo in my working life. I have never met a more harder working person than my mum. She is only small but packs work in like a champion. She did the job of at least 2, if not 3 people. Her motto was “work harder if you are working for someone else – don’t shame us by being lazy” and always lived this way – in her mind “if you cheat others, you have no Filotimo”. People who don’t know my mum may think I’m a workaholic, but I grew up on the family fruit block in the Riverland thinking that 14-hour days during the fruit season were normal because that’s what my mum did if she was working for us or helping someone else (my dad on the other hand would treat work like a savage dog and try to escape it)!
My mum in her early 80s with me visiting Greece (she could still hike) going back to get a dose of Filotimo from the old country!
So, what is Filotimo?
Filotimo (pronounced fee-loh-TEE-moh) is a Greek word that doesn’t have a direct English translation, but it can be understood as “love of honour” or living with a deep sense of duty and respect. For my father, filotimo was not just a concept; it was a way of life. It meant always acting with integrity, kindness, and respect, regardless of whether anyone was watching or not because you are always watching and you need to sleep at night!
Why Values Matter
From my father’s teachings and my experiences as a psychologist, I’ve come to appreciate why values are so crucial:
- Values Give Life Meaning: When you live by your values, you infuse your life with purpose. Just as filotimo guided my father, your values help you align your actions with what matters most to you, making your life more fulfilling and meaningful.
- They Guide Decisions: Our values are like a compass that helps us navigate tough choices. For instance, if honesty is a core value, you’re more likely to make truthful decisions, even when it’s challenging. Filotimo taught me to always do what’s right, not just what’s easy. Being truthful to yourself is as important, if not more important than being truthful to others.
- They Strengthen Relationships: Values such as respect and kindness are the foundation of strong relationships. By treating others with dignity and empathy, you build trust and create deeper connections. My father’s dedication to filotimo showed me how vital it is to honour others in every interaction. We often had people staying with us for weeks – they were strangers he found and offered a home to while they got on their feet. Was he always successful? No - he did try to bring an escapee from Pentridge home with us one night … but that’s a story for another time….. but even this didn’t stop him from offering help to anyone and everyone who needed it.
- They Help You During Tough Times: When life gets difficult, your values can provide direction and strength. Staying true to what you believe in helps you remain resilient, just as filotimo guided my father through various challenges, both in Greece when he lost his father as a young child, and when he needed to support his family in Australia where the migration process in the 60s was hard without a word of English.
- Values Encourage Growth: Living according to your values promotes personal growth. Filotimo inspired my father to continuously strive for self-improvement and to make a positive impact on others up until his dying day.
How to Embrace Filotimo in Your Life
Embracing filotimo means:
- Being Kind: Help others selflessly - small acts of kindness can have a significant impact.
- Doing What’s Right: Make choices based on your values, even if they are difficult. Stand up for what’s right.
- Respecting Others: Treat everyone with respect and dignity, reflecting the honour that filotimo represents.
Final Thoughts
My parents dedication to filotimo and my experiences as a psychologist have taught me the profound impact that values have on our lives. By living with a sense of honour and respect—filotimo—you can create a life filled with meaning, strong relationships, and personal growth.
Life is not just about achieving goals, but about how you live your life and the positive influence you have on others.
I’ve taught the concept of Filotimo to my partner Tony who was born and raised in Australia from Anglo stock. There are times we are watching someone on TV or listening to them in real life and he will turn to me and say sadly, “they have no Filotimo”.
My parents also taught me resilience but that is a blog for another time!
